I'm Not Gay Page 2
even took you to the 8th grade dance.”
“Dalton and I are just really good friends.”
“Right,” I stated. “I don’t know what made me think that he would like you. All of his gestures are just ‘friendly’.”
“Exactly.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“It’s amazing how blind you are,” I muttered to myself. “Back to the point at hand. Beth isn’t in love with me. How do we get her to that point?”
“Well, you could ask her out.”
“Yeah, but just us alone? I’d choke and freak out 2 minutes into it.”
“Ask her to homecoming!” Isabelle jumped up when she got her idea. “It’s the perfect setting. A bunch of people you both know will be there so it can’t get awkward and the lights are just dim enough if you get brave enough to make a move.”
“I guess I could ask her to homecoming.”
“You’ve got an entire month to decide how to ask her and everything. Oh! It’ll be so sweet. I’ll help you with everything.”
“Help me? You mean you plan and tell me what to do?”
“Exactly, it’ll be perfect.”
“Hey Melaina, maybe for your birthday, we could go out and do something nice together. Just us,” Beth offered. My face could’ve cracked if my smile got any bigger.
“Really? You want to?”
“Of course. I’ll text you details.”
“Okay!” Beth gracefully placed a kiss on my cheek. My heart was racing.
“See you later,” Beth walked away into a bright light.
That was the dream I woke up from on my birthday. I groaned and kicked my blanket off my bed. Of course my mind would torture me like that. I laid in my bed angrily staring at the ceiling until I remembered: it was my freaking 15th birthday. I jumped up and immediately ran to the kitchen. My brother, Jason, was making pancakes. He faced me.
“I burned a couple and I want you to know I’m only giving you the good ones because it’s your birthday.” I ran up and hugged him.
“I love you too.” Jason shrugged me off.
“I should start charging you when you want me to cook.”
“I would cook for myself but I’m not as good at it as you are.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I helped myself to the stack of pancakes on the counter.
“Did you put chocolate chips in here?!” I asked through the pancake I stuffed in my mouth. Jason nodded. “You do love me!”
“So you going to ask that girl out today?” I froze.
“What?”
“You know that girl, Belle.”
“Beth?”
“Yeah, her. You going to make a move?”
“No. Why would I?”
“Because you like her.”
“I liked her.”
“You still do. I hear you talking about it on the phone.”
“You’ve been eavesdropping.”
“You can’t prove that.”
“I hate you.”
“You say that as you eat the pancakes I made you.” I finished stuffing my mouth and push away the plate.
“Stay out of my business.” I left the kitchen and started searching through my closet. I refused to allow Jason to annoy me today. I pulled out an orange dress and hunted for my sandals. Today was my day.
“Happy Birthday!” Isabelle basically attacked me at lunch. “I made you cupcakes!” I laughed as Dalton helped himself to one of the cupcakes Isabelle had placed on the table.
“Thank you Isabelle.”
“I’m the best, I know. Dalton what did you get Melaina?” Dalton’s eyes widened.
“Well, uh, I…”
“You didn’t get her anything did you?” Dalton shook his head. “Then, once again, I shall let you piggy back off of my gift.”
“Gift?” I asked. “I thought I was clear on not spending money on me.”
“Not even if it’s…” Isabelle pulled out a bag of licorice from her backpack. “I know you’re not going to turn them down so just take them.” I snatched the candy from her and stuck out my tongue.
“Thank you,” I mumbled. I reached into the bag when something hit me from the side rushing all the air from my lungs and causing me to drop a licorice. I pouted a little to the fallen solider.
“Melaina! You didn’t tell me today was your birthday!” I faced my attacker, Beth. Beautiful, glorious Beth. “I would’ve gotten you something!”
“The body slam I just got was more than enough,” I laughed.
“Oh,” Beth smiled. My goodness that smile. “Sorry, I just got really excited when I saw you. You guys mind if I sit here today?”
“No!” I yelped. “I mean, that’s fine with us.”
“You know what I’m realizing?” Dalton said. “Homecoming is coming up pretty fast. Only 2 more weeks.” Dalton winked at me.
“Yeah!” Beth said. “I already have my dress picked out.”
“Isabelle’s had hers since the first day of school,” I said.
“What’s the point in waiting to buy a dress when I’ve already seen the perfect one?” Isabelle added.
“Is Gerry going to match with you?” Beth asked.
“Of course. I’m going to live my high school experience as cliché as possible. Just seems more fun that way.”
“That’s repulsive,” I said. “Just going through high school by every movie ever made. I already can feel myself getting sick of you.”
“You love me,” Isabelle said. “Beth is your date going to match with you?”
“Of course,” Beth said. My lungs quit breathing and I stared directly at Dalton, who was failing to hide the grimace in his face, and I didn’t dare look anywhere else. “We’ve got it all planned out. We’re going to dinner first then the dance and then…” Beth’s words faded from my ears. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. Once again, I had missed my chance. “What about you Melaina?”
“Huh?” I opened my eyes and faced Beth.
“Who are you going to homecoming with?”
“Oh. I’m not going to homecoming.”
“What? Why not?” I shrugged.
“I don’t like dancing. Plus, I rather not get grinded on by a bunch of sweaty teens.”
“Oh, come on. You love to dance. You’ve always danced with me at the dances in middle school.”
“Yeah. Well, that was middle school.”
“That’s unacceptable. You can’t miss out on your first homecoming.”
“Why do you care if I go or not?” I stood up and grabbed my things. “Sorry, I just realize that I have an essay that I need to print out before the next class.”
“If you’re heading to the library I should tag along,” Dalton said. He grabbed his sandwich and followed me out of the cafeteria. “That was smooth.”
“Shut up Dalton. Please just shut up.”
“Did you see her face as you left?”
“How could I if I was leaving?”
“Well, she looked hurt.” I stopped walking.
“Well, I feel hurt! This is so unfair!”
“It’s not like she’s dating the guy. They’re just going to a dance. You should’ve asked her earlier.”
“Why do I have to do it? Why can’t she ask me to the dance?”
“Because you’re the one who likes her.” I groaned. “Just tell her you like her.”
“Fine! But only if you tell Isabelle you like her.” I smirked.
“Deal.”
“What?”
“I tell Isabelle and you tell Beth.”
“No! You’re supposed to chicken out and then get off my back.”
“Not this time. I’m tired of you putting yourself through hell.”
“I don’t take rejection well Dalton.”
“You obviously don’t take not knowing if she likes you back well either. So do we have a deal or not?” Dalton held out his hand. I rolled my eyes and shook it.
“I hate you.”
“I can live with that.” I continued walking. “W
here are you going?”
“The library. I really do have an essay to do.”
“I think Dalton likes me,” Isabelle said. There was only one week left until homecoming and I was in Isabelle’s room helping her decide how she was going to do her hair but primarily to eat her snacks. I swallowed down a handful of cheese crackers.
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Well, he came over a few days ago so we could work on our Biology project but he brought a rose and smelled like cologne.”
“Maybe he just likes to smell nice.”
“I would believe that but his face was pink, like he was embarrassed. And every now and then he would open his mouth but he wouldn’t say anything.”
“Strange.”
“You think I’m reading into this too much? I’ve got to be, right?”
“Why are you asking me?”
“Because he would tell you if he liked me.” I shrugged. “What do you know?”
“I don’t know anything.”
“Melaina.” Isabelle’s voice was attempting to be threatening but I shrugged again.
“What’s the deal? Maybe he likes you. So what?”
“He does like me!” Isabelle collapsed on her bed knocking crackers out of my hand.
“Seriously? Don’t take this out of the crackers.”
“This is awful. He can’t like me! It’s too weird. Liking him back would be like liking a puppy.”
“Ooo la la, puppy love.” Isabelle threw a pillow at me that missed my head by a hair.
“That’s gross. Plus I have a boyfriend.”
“Gerry’s an idiot. Dating an actual dog would be an upgrade.”
“He’s a good guy.”
“Yes. He’s a good guy who smells like cheese and has an IQ lower than one of these crackers.” Isabelle laughed.
“You’re mean.”
“I’m honest.”
“I like him. He’s sweet.”
“Unless I can eat him, don’t tell me about how sweet he is.” Isabelle opened her mouth. “I have eyes, I can see how hot he is so if that’s your next argument, shut it.” Isabelle smirked, confirming my suspicion.
“Don’t be all grouchy because Beth has a date to homecoming.” I glared at Isabelle.
“That was such a low blow.”
“I don’t know why you don’t just tell her. It’s not like you to be such a punk.”
“I am not a punk!”
“Really? I couldn’t tell.”
“You know what? I’ll call her right now! I’ll call her right now and tell her!”
“Then do it but I already know you’re going to punk out.” I grabbed my phone and smashed Beth’s number into it. I was ready, I was going to do it. But the moment Beth answered, my mouth went dry. Isabelle smiled and mouthed the word punk. I took a deep breath.
“Hi Beth,” I greeted somehow without moving my lips.
“Hey Mel. What’s up?” Beth’s voice weaved its way into my head and cradled my eardrums. My heart was knocking in my chest and someone was at war in the pit of my stomach.
“I- I, uh, was wondering if we had any homework from last class.”
“Just that worksheet but I think you finished in class didn’t you?”
“Oh yeah. I did. Thanks.”
“No problem.” Isabelle cocked an eyebrow at me and her eyes mocked my cowardly lips. I took another deep breath.
“Hey Beth, there’s one more thing.”
“Okay.” I put the phone on speaker so Isabelle wouldn’t have to lean so closely to hear.
“I just uh, I just want to tell you that, uh.” I could feel myself shaking and I was gripping the phone so tightly that I swear I heard it crack. “I just uh, I think you’re really cool and amazing.” Isabelle placed a hand on mine and smiled with pure support. “And I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and I guess uh, I was wondering if you would want to go hang out sometime as, uh, you know a little more than just friends.”
Now, if silences could kill, then this pause from Beth has tortured, stabbed, and shot me. “Oh Melaina,” Beth whispered. “No. I mean don’t get me wrong I think you’re an amazing person and you’re gorgeous, inside and out, and even you being all flustered just now was adorable but, I don’t swing that way.”
“What?”
“I don’t like girls.”
“I know, I mean, but what about that girl Alex? From last year?”
“Yeah, that was an 8th grade thing, you know, a phase. We’re highschoolers now. It’s time to move on from all of that.”
“Oh.”
“And if you think about